Well I guess that about fills the quota for this six month span. 

I'm goin on vacation bitches but rest ASSured something in my travels will inspire a mind altering weblog full of sex, drugs, alcohol, and maybe even seeing a man commit beastiality, (I am heading to rural lands).  Wait eagerly my children.  Closely bundle together for warmth until Father Cain brings you a warm blanket of reality and a piping hot cup of "What The FUCK" to help pass those cold nights of sleeping in the garage. 

Cain

P.S. By garage I mean place you tell your woman you're going when you are really sneaking off to masturbate.

Currently Listening St. Elsewhere By Gnarls Barkley Boogie Monster & Who Cares. see related

FINALLY!!

Abel here,

I truly apologize for the lack of work and output on this site.  It is entirely our fault.  The lack of interest and lack of subscribers has sapped our will to comment on here.  So. sorry folks, we have just been too busy (motherfucking lazy) and uninterested (under appreciated) in making any contributions to the world of (less than a dozen) fans that we have acquired (dooped).  We have just been too rapped up in our own self centered worlds to give you guys anymore pearls of wisdom.  Actually we were busy snatching poon out of our local bars (dealing with our own women) so we could have stories to make you think and laugh. 

Today's (this year's) topic is "spontaneity."  Be spontaneous with your mate.  This doesn't mean be a moron and do stupid some shit that seems wacky and spontaneous.  The key is to plan events that seem "spur of the minute" and romantic.  I.e. walking on the beach and then diving into the water.  Shit like that.  Make sure your watch is water proof and your wallet is conveniently left in the car.  The key to being spontaneous is not having it fucking suck afterwards.  Think for a minute, not a second, a full minute, and then suggest something fun, quick, and guaranteed to get you laid.  I.e. asking your date to dance at a place, bar, restaurant, without and dance floor.  You have to actually be able to dance for this one.  Otherwise you will look like a jerk off and buy yourself a brand new set of blue balls.  Set up a situation that is carefree, and fun without the shitty aftermath.  Don't get hammered and then have drive home with one eye closed.  Surprises are guaranteed panty droppers.  It doesn't even have to be expensive or elaborate.  Just think of something cool that you both (she) really digs and make it a surprise.  This will make her reexamine her expectations of you and keep her guessing.  Don't overdue it and go beyond your means, or she will expect it too often.  Then you will be left penny-less with a tissue and and old crusty skin mag from highschool, God-forbid with her hefty, lonely friend (they all have atleast one).  Be smart and think long term, at least six months ahead.  Unless it's a one night stand, then pull out all the stops and she will tell her friends and the same tricks will probably work for a while. 

Use the force well.

                                                A.

For those of you that have subscribed, PASS THE FUCKING WORD!!  There is no sense in us posting if no one is fucking reading.  You know, If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around. . .    It doesn't make a motherfucking sound.  And tell them to read the previous postings so that way they have a clue.  Spread the gospel!!

Currently Listening De Stijl By The White Stripes #6 "Death Letter" see related

Abel here,

That motherfucker has finally lost it.  It's good to see you're back in action.

                            -A.

Cain Here;

I thought you all could use a little humor today.

A woman meets a rather handsome and charming man 

in the bar of a highly regarded restaurant. They talk, 

they connect, and they end up leaving together.  They 

go back to his apartment, and as he shows her around 

she notices that his bedroom is completely packed with 

soft, sweet, cuddly teddy bears. Three wall-length shelves 

loaded with hundreds and hundreds of the little buggers...

carefully placed in rows covering the entire wall!  There 

were small bears all along the bottom shelf; medium-size 

covering the entire length of the middle shelf; and huge, 

enormous bears running all the way along the top shelf. 

Quite the display!  She found it strange that a man 

(a clearly straight man) 

would have such a large collection of teddy bears and 

thought, "Oh my God! Maybe this guy could be the one - 

the father of my children!" She turns to him. They kiss 

slowly... and then they make hot, steamy love.  After 

making love with this wonderful, sensitive guy lying there 

together in the afterglow, the woman strokes his chest 

and asks coyly, "So? How was it?" The guy looks her deep 

in the eyes and says: "Help yourself to any prize from the 

bottom shelf."

Cain Here;

Hey Motha fuckas I'm back.

I was on a long needed rest meaning I blew this off for over a month however new found interest by new subscribers has sparked the flame of creative assholedness in me.  Like Eve tasting of the apple and fucking over mankind for eternity I have seen the temptations that lie beyond the wall and they are good.  I want to start with a big welcome to those with the balls to visit our site and the interest to spark conversation.  We turn away no man who seeks to find the truth behind women and why they keep fucking things up.  Don't misunderstand as sex toys women are top of the shelf, but as an intellectual equal they are lacking.  Come on who the fuck throws away paradise for a damn apple at least it could have been a bottle of Jack Daniels then you'd have something to drink and get over the fact you sleeping in a fucking cave spending your days pumping out little shit children like a Chinese shoe factory.  So my curious readers, you may wonder what does Daddy Cain have in store for us today well first of all if you haven't rolled back and read the previous weblogs then do so your missing serious knowledge here.  Secondly it has become painfully apparent to me that you may need to see my credentials before taking my word with a grain of salt and a bottle of Corona in order to have faith in anything I say so against my personal concerns over sharing openly my personal life with you here is my credentials in order that I may convince you that the knowledge given freely here is the result of hands on experience and a deeper understanding of the subject material:

My Resume if you will

23 relationships

somewhere just north of 100 women slept with best I can remember 114

I have done everything you can with a woman that's legal in the U.S. and some parts of Germany.

Slept with 5 married women

8 engaged

3 lesbians and we are not talking butch and sundance

2 mother and daughter situations

6 MILFS

been arrested once for sex on a bulldozer

slept with a sheriffs daughter in the back seat of his squad in the garage

and ultimately and most importantly never gotten a single STD (that's what condoms and selective partners is for dumbass's.)

So now you generally know what qualifies me to comment of the mind set of woman....yeah it's freaking putting mind and women in the same sentence.  What you may not know is I have studied Psychology extensively so it's not just reading a bitches diary while I've got her in the wheelbarrow position which by the way I've trademarked that so don't go stealing it and claiming for your own.  Never-the-less lets get right down to today's topic which is, oddly enough, Condomology.

Condomology:

Condoms are not just for stealing when your 13 to try and look cool to the other guys in school like your getting some.  Condoms have a practical use to. it's called stopping from getting a bitch pregnant and keeping the dick itch at bay.  Listen I recently got some knowledge dropped on me in regards to women with STD's.  At U of I Champaign in southern Illinois 1 in 4 women on their campus has some form of STD.  for those of you without an extensive knowledge in the field of math let me lay it out for you: 1 in 4 woman with std = your dick burning and filling with puss until you have to beat it with a hammer just to feel anything.  That is a study at one campus with numbers taken from anonymous but participatory students now imagine if you will the ones to ashamed to admit to the STDs they carry.  Be smart condoms may dull the sensation some, but at least they don't make your dick look like a chicken strip left to long in he deep frier.  The other thing to remember in relations to the condom is it's practical use of keeping bitches from getting pregnant.  Now I have heard the argument that condoms can fail and let me tell you this, I think it's a load of bullshit.  I have slept with a  lot of ladies and worn condoms and don't have one little Cain running around or a single itchy spot on my beautiful specimen, lets call him Russel the Love Muscle for PG 13 purposes.  Condoms work and if your condom fails then next time try not to buy it from the dollar bin at Costco.  18 dollars for a jumbo pack is well worth avoiding 18 years of a little shit just like you running around, and 18 years of storing your dick in a drawer like your high school diploma.  You get a girl pregnant you might as well toss your dick to the other side of your hat like a tassel because it would do you more good worn on your head than it will in your pants as you clean baby vomit off your levis.  If your still not sure, and you think the risk might be worth the reward then go find one of your friends with a baby you won't have to look far chances are if you don't have one everyone else now a days does.  Now ask him if you can change the babies diaper for him.  After he realizes you are sincere and aren't trying to molest his kid he will very willingly hand over the child.  Now if after changing that diaper your dick doesn't shrink two sizes and an unbearable sense of degradation has passed over you then go ahead fuck all the hoes you want and never wear a condom, but if you area  a sensible guy you will see the baby poo with virgin eyes like the men standing in horror at the first Atomic bomb testing.  Unsure of the tragic horrors they have now unleashed on society and not fully prepared for a sight of destruction unparalleled in modern warfare.  This should be enough for any man to come to the sudden and stern resolve to wear protection.  The second practice by which to protect yourself from Babies and STDs is called selective partner evaluation.  It means simply don't just sleep with it because it has a pulse.  Have some fucking standards.  Look woman don't want a guy who will sleep with anything and especially if they have a reputation for such.  Women much rather prefer that guy that no woman can get or the guy that seems most uninterested in them.  Women don't like an easy fuck they want what they can't have your best time to get laid with other woman is while in a relationship.  If your not in a relationship and your struggling with getting women into your bed then play gay.  Yeah it's a last ditch effort but in a desperate situation the gay story will always get you laid.  Just come out of the closest to everyone don't even tell your friends it's just a play because it has to be believable to be bought by women.  Then play the sad gay guy that the other guys pick on to women you know before long they will be changing in front of you and one night after a lot of drinks and girl talk you bring up how you can't see yourself sleeping with women anymore that you think it would just be weird and after some sly work you talk her into trying it "just because you want to see if a woman can make you feel anymore".  Works every time then when you've had your fill you break the news to your friends and they will most likely worship you for your dedication and risk taking all in the plight for pussy.  Hell you may even win an academy award, "BrokeBack Jerry".  So in conclusion you see it's in your best interest to wear a jimmy hat.  Protection now is like an investment in the future pussy market.  The more effort and security that goes into it now equals greater pussy interest rates and dividends in the future.

For now this has been another public service announcement from Cain and Abel.  Stay safe and remember stay one step ahead of the enemy.

Cain